Kelly had me thinking earlier - as i read her blog i started to respond; however, this became more about me than her so i aborted mission on her blog and added it as mine.. She said earlier that this time is a season. I don't know why we walk through these seasons - i do know that if i had to stay in the same season all of my life it would really really suck! Yet at the same time when the future could be looked at with hopes and dreams but at the point in time that you're in all you see is a brick wall - what do you do? How do you respond? God is graceful and grace-filled towards His children and though i can see His grace being extended towards me why is it that I find it hard to accept His grace and his leading back into the right path and what exactly is that path... Where am I going - am i merely staying in a place where my wheels turn without taking me anywhere? or are my wheels even turning - is the car even on - do I even really care...
I'll write more later.. just had to get this in there..
Sep 14, 2005
strange dream...
So the night before last I had this dream.. Now keep in mind - i dream pretty much every night - most of the time though i don't remember the dream but this one i remembered and had this strange feeling about as well..
so I don't know how it started out - like what the set up or surroundings of the dream were the first part i remember is either asking or being asked to get married by this guys - now strange thing is that i know this guy but i dont like this guy like that.. I wouldn't consider marrying him because we are pretty different.. so any way we came to an agreement to get married.. we began the process of getting everything lined up and arranged for the big day and a few days before i asked him whether he actually wanted to marry me - and he said um, yeah sure.. and i was frustrated because i had just come to the conclusion that i didn't love him and i didn't want to marry him and i didn't know why we were even getting married in the first place.. So i said no really do you want to marry me - and he was so passive (big pet peave of mine) and said sure i guess... So then like flash forward to the day of - and his parents were there and they were getting things ready for the reception and all of that.. and i got to the church (i'm guessing this was a church all i remember was the big white building) and it was like an hour before the ceremony was to start and i didn't have my hair done and for some reason i was fixing it myself.. and i couldn't find my hot rollers and i was asking my mom where they were because they weren't where they should have been and she was in a hurry and rushing me to get ready.. so my hair was a mess and i had just barely gotten my gown on and my mom was pulling me to get in line to go down the aisle.. I hate being rushed.. especially by my mom because she's done it all my life.. for some that would teach them to just be ready for me no.. I'll be ready when i'm ready.. and i kept thinking hey wait this is my day and i shouldn't have to rush the guests will still be here in 10 minutes.. and since when is a bride late.. the guests are all just early.. and then the dream ended..
So funny thing is - is that i've had this dream twice before.. no guy in the picture but the other two times i hated the dress i was in.. it was the wrong dress - i don't even remember the dress in this one.. now the dreams have all been spaced apart like a year or so.. but why am i having basically the same dream? and each time i end up settling for someone i don't love and can't see why i would want to marry them.. Great guys but not so much husbands - for me anyway....
Just interesting the dreams we have and how it makes us ponder other things in our lives - as though God is using this dream to show me in the past that i could have settled - but i don't want to settle for anything less than His best.. and i know that i have settled so many times and screwed things up before but how do you break that cycle?? And is my mind and heart so wrapped up in wanting marriage that i am missing out on other things He is trying to show me..
so I don't know how it started out - like what the set up or surroundings of the dream were the first part i remember is either asking or being asked to get married by this guys - now strange thing is that i know this guy but i dont like this guy like that.. I wouldn't consider marrying him because we are pretty different.. so any way we came to an agreement to get married.. we began the process of getting everything lined up and arranged for the big day and a few days before i asked him whether he actually wanted to marry me - and he said um, yeah sure.. and i was frustrated because i had just come to the conclusion that i didn't love him and i didn't want to marry him and i didn't know why we were even getting married in the first place.. So i said no really do you want to marry me - and he was so passive (big pet peave of mine) and said sure i guess... So then like flash forward to the day of - and his parents were there and they were getting things ready for the reception and all of that.. and i got to the church (i'm guessing this was a church all i remember was the big white building) and it was like an hour before the ceremony was to start and i didn't have my hair done and for some reason i was fixing it myself.. and i couldn't find my hot rollers and i was asking my mom where they were because they weren't where they should have been and she was in a hurry and rushing me to get ready.. so my hair was a mess and i had just barely gotten my gown on and my mom was pulling me to get in line to go down the aisle.. I hate being rushed.. especially by my mom because she's done it all my life.. for some that would teach them to just be ready for me no.. I'll be ready when i'm ready.. and i kept thinking hey wait this is my day and i shouldn't have to rush the guests will still be here in 10 minutes.. and since when is a bride late.. the guests are all just early.. and then the dream ended..
So funny thing is - is that i've had this dream twice before.. no guy in the picture but the other two times i hated the dress i was in.. it was the wrong dress - i don't even remember the dress in this one.. now the dreams have all been spaced apart like a year or so.. but why am i having basically the same dream? and each time i end up settling for someone i don't love and can't see why i would want to marry them.. Great guys but not so much husbands - for me anyway....
Just interesting the dreams we have and how it makes us ponder other things in our lives - as though God is using this dream to show me in the past that i could have settled - but i don't want to settle for anything less than His best.. and i know that i have settled so many times and screwed things up before but how do you break that cycle?? And is my mind and heart so wrapped up in wanting marriage that i am missing out on other things He is trying to show me..
Sep 6, 2005
New Song - Suddenly by Superchick
Song lyrics
She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired for trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be
Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
Chorus
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.
Chorus
She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired for trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be
Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
Chorus
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.
Chorus
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