Moving

Moving Sucks!!

Really it's all of the physical and mental exhaustion that sucks.. moving can be quite fun.. and entertaining..

So we got everything in the new place.. now it's just figuring out how to merge our two 'stuffs' into one place.. This will be quite entertaining as i go home tonight to work on it some more.. YAY!!

So it's also been weird having someone to go home to, and someone sleeping across the 'hall' and when you wake up and end up talking for an hour while the other eats breakfast and gets ready for work is actually lots of fun so far.. I think i'm gonna like this.

So after you read this you should give me a call cause i can take your call now.. and you should stop by the new pimp pad.. LOL Yes, i did just say that..

Peace Out Yo'!

Turkey day, and life in general

Well, my dad, his wife Catherine and her daughter Frances are all coming to my house for Thanksgiving! So we will be making and devouring the big meal here in my little abode - should be interesting.. I am already fighting my territorial and 'bossy' alter-ego.. mainly over sleeping accomodations and the cooking and all of that ridiculous stuff..

Don't get me wrong I am glad they are coming I haven't seen my dad since August and for us that's a good bit of time.. We have always been close - and even after i moved I generally went back to visit like every couple of months.. This last 6 months have been so busy that all i've done is run around and do my stuff - i'm sure both of my parents have felt the distance as when i first moved here Dad and I talked at least weekly.. now we do good to talk on the phone every three to four weeks.. big difference.. and my mom and I now have maybe one good forever long conversation a month. That's a bit different too.. Seems they have both voiced the distance and my busyness and lack in calling and chatting.. I do miss it but i feel like the infant who refuses to sleep because they are afraid they'll miss something.. everytime one of my parents call me it interrupts the fun i'm having and then i forget to call them.. or when i do we just don't really talk.

So Frances first mentioned coming here for T-day and i was both glad and unsure.. i'm moving three days later (still haven't started packing) and then will have a roommate.. and i already had plans for the big day.. so this is both the best and the worst time for them to come.. best because i'll have off for four days and can spend it with them and it's just me - no roommate to make feel uncomfortable or weird.. and worst because i needed that time off to start packing and the space they will be sleeping in would be my storage for boxes and because now instead of going through with my other plans we made different plans.. AAAHHH!
oh and back to my original point.. Frances mentioned it - i said yeah sure.. then they decided not to come because Catherine wanted to go to visit her brother and grand kids (where they will also be for x-mas) so i kinda felt sad and slighted.. that her plans and wants would automatically override all else.. then i got an email from dad yesterday saying they were coming afterall..

so that's that..
All else is well for now.. had fun spending time with Kelly P most of yesterday.. and last evening with Palm Tree... :) - thought you might like that..
K gotta go get ready for StillPoint tonight!!

Ciao!

Updates...

Well HI!!

I know, i know.. its been more than a month since i last updated - and even that wasn't an update.. i'm sorry okay!!

So what's up with Ashley you might be wondering... alot actually!!

1. I got a new job! I'm still standing here in awe of God and the ways that He works and being reminded that my timing isn't in correlation with His timing... i know bummer - why is it i have to learn this so often - and am i really learning this lesson or just temporarily accepting it until i have my next temper tantrum?

2. I'm getting a room-mate! I know craziness abounds! Kelly and I are joining forces and moving in together.. we move Nov.28-30th so shoot me a mail if you want to help!
Anyway, this will be a very very big adjustment for me because I don't do roommates.. reasoning.. my one and only semester of college - i had a room mate and she was crazy!! well she was actually from New York and so she was probably somewhat normal to them but for me - uh.. it didn't work too well - i'm sure that my inability to deal properly with conflict didn't help either.. i tend to avoid conflict at all costs.. i've gotten better - but i seriously used to run!!
I think another issue is that i was raised with three brothers - so all of that life ruining drama really never went on in our house.. and even now - it can get on my nerves.. my old roomie was all drama.. issue obviously..
So as kelly is not a drama queen - i think it will work! Will we get on each others nerves? oh yes, we've already experienced that.. but we both still think it will work! plus it'll be fun!!

2.1 I took a trip to Lousiana to work with a children's home that our StillPoint community has "adopted" very amazing trip - you should ask me about it some time..

2.2 The young'n (Gerrod - 13 yr old bro) got his first deer... 15 pointer just before Halloween - you should check out the picks on my flickr site..

3. I want a dog! Yes, i know that i have been wanting one for the last 5 years.. - but you see.. i really want one.. again.
so i have been looking around - getting some details and specifics.. so we'll see.. i think i'll name her Macy...

4. I really don't know of much else going on in the world of ashley but if i think of something i'll try to make the time to update the blog..

okay so that leads up to the web link additions.. - Margaret Feinberg - she is listed on Amanda's website - so i started reading some of her things.. and you know - i really like what she has to say and the angle that she is coming from i really identify with.. so check her out - and the second would be Winn Collier - he is listed on Margaret's website and after reading a bit about him - i decided i like what he had to say also..
Both of these authors/pastor/speakers/thought provokers make me want to just take time to consider and weigh what they are saying and really think about what all is going on, what my thoughts are on it and really process those thoughts... time however generally deters me from thinking too much.. I feel in a sense very shallow in my thoughts in regards to alot of things simply because i don't take or make the time to really gather info, and process and form my own thoughts and beliefs on different topics... kelly often asks me - what are you thinking about.. unfortunately - my answer is very shallow or impossibly ridiculous.. I always try to be honest with my thoughts... which also leads me to realizing how little time i actually spend thinking about big things..

oh and for some reason two people just came to mind - i have two friends who moved here - one from miami - and the other from abilene... they both within 3 months have crossed paths with very possibly "the one" and are moving towards pursuing marriage.. what's up with that!!! I mean i'm very glad for them and all - and it's been fun seeing it all happen for them.. but come on - what about the rest of us.... :)

Okay so i've rambled far too long...

so this is Ashley signing off!

guess it wasn't meant to be..

Well after spending about 30 minutes typing out what's new with me.. as I was in the process of publishing my great works - i suppose it was too big or the network signal was too low - but now it's forever lost!!! so one day i'll spend the time and write it out again.. so i guess you'll have to hang on my every word...............................

:)Ashley

quandry..

Kelly had me thinking earlier - as i read her blog i started to respond; however, this became more about me than her so i aborted mission on her blog and added it as mine.. She said earlier that this time is a season. I don't know why we walk through these seasons - i do know that if i had to stay in the same season all of my life it would really really suck! Yet at the same time when the future could be looked at with hopes and dreams but at the point in time that you're in all you see is a brick wall - what do you do? How do you respond? God is graceful and grace-filled towards His children and though i can see His grace being extended towards me why is it that I find it hard to accept His grace and his leading back into the right path and what exactly is that path... Where am I going - am i merely staying in a place where my wheels turn without taking me anywhere? or are my wheels even turning - is the car even on - do I even really care...

I'll write more later.. just had to get this in there..

strange dream...

So the night before last I had this dream.. Now keep in mind - i dream pretty much every night - most of the time though i don't remember the dream but this one i remembered and had this strange feeling about as well..
so I don't know how it started out - like what the set up or surroundings of the dream were the first part i remember is either asking or being asked to get married by this guys - now strange thing is that i know this guy but i dont like this guy like that.. I wouldn't consider marrying him because we are pretty different.. so any way we came to an agreement to get married.. we began the process of getting everything lined up and arranged for the big day and a few days before i asked him whether he actually wanted to marry me - and he said um, yeah sure.. and i was frustrated because i had just come to the conclusion that i didn't love him and i didn't want to marry him and i didn't know why we were even getting married in the first place.. So i said no really do you want to marry me - and he was so passive (big pet peave of mine) and said sure i guess... So then like flash forward to the day of - and his parents were there and they were getting things ready for the reception and all of that.. and i got to the church (i'm guessing this was a church all i remember was the big white building) and it was like an hour before the ceremony was to start and i didn't have my hair done and for some reason i was fixing it myself.. and i couldn't find my hot rollers and i was asking my mom where they were because they weren't where they should have been and she was in a hurry and rushing me to get ready.. so my hair was a mess and i had just barely gotten my gown on and my mom was pulling me to get in line to go down the aisle.. I hate being rushed.. especially by my mom because she's done it all my life.. for some that would teach them to just be ready for me no.. I'll be ready when i'm ready.. and i kept thinking hey wait this is my day and i shouldn't have to rush the guests will still be here in 10 minutes.. and since when is a bride late.. the guests are all just early.. and then the dream ended..

So funny thing is - is that i've had this dream twice before.. no guy in the picture but the other two times i hated the dress i was in.. it was the wrong dress - i don't even remember the dress in this one.. now the dreams have all been spaced apart like a year or so.. but why am i having basically the same dream? and each time i end up settling for someone i don't love and can't see why i would want to marry them.. Great guys but not so much husbands - for me anyway....

Just interesting the dreams we have and how it makes us ponder other things in our lives - as though God is using this dream to show me in the past that i could have settled - but i don't want to settle for anything less than His best.. and i know that i have settled so many times and screwed things up before but how do you break that cycle?? And is my mind and heart so wrapped up in wanting marriage that i am missing out on other things He is trying to show me..

New Song - Suddenly by Superchick

Song lyrics
She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired for trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be
Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
Chorus
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.
Chorus

Courage by Superchick and Response by Ashley

"Courage" By Superchick
I told another lie today, and i got through this day, no one saw through my games.
I know the right words to say, like "i don't feel well" "I ate before I came
Then someone tells me how good I look and for a moment, for a moment i am happy
but when i'm alone no one hears me cry

I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.

I don't know the first time i felt un-beautiful the day i chose not to eat
what i do know is how i changed my life forever, i know i should know better
there are days when i'm okay and for a moment, for a moment i find hope
there are day when i'm not okay and i need your help

I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.

You should know you're not on your own these secrets are walls that keep us alone
i don't know when but i know now togther we'll make it through somehow.

I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.

Response: Although I don't have this particular problem - this song still affects me on some deep level i haven't come to understand yet. Superchick's latest CD has some very deep emotional dealings - as they have all walked through a tough time this last year.. Before this CD I hadn't bought any of their stuff - not sure that I will buy anything previous to this one but i'm glad that i got this album as I can identify with a good majority of it. There will be more lyrics from this album coming! I know you can just hardly wait!!

Beauty from Pain by Superchick plus comments from Ashley

The lights go out all around me, one last candle to keep out the night.
And then the darkness surrounds me, i know i'm alive but i feel like i've died.
And all that's left is to accept that it's over - my dreams ran like sand through the fists that i've made.
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder i feel like i'm slipping away.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
My whole world is the pain inside me. the best i can do is just get through the day.
when life before is only a memory, i wonder why god lets me walk through this place
and though i can't understand why this happened, i know that i will when i look back some day
and see how you've brought beauty from ashes, and made me as gold purified through these flames.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
Here i am at the end of me. trying to hold to what i can't see - i forgot how to hope this nights been so long, i cling to your promis there will be a dawn.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.

I think that we can all identify with the emotions and feeling expressed through this song. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that there will be a dawn - and that this moment will pass - and one day God will bring beauty from our pain.. In the midst of the fire it's hard to remember that you are just passing through that you will not remain in the fire forever - he is faithful to bring us through the fire - and that the fire isnt always becuase of our disobedience - it's so that we can be purified and more useful for His kingdom. That's what it's all about anyway right. Why is it that in the midst of the fire it seems that goal and purpose can be more blurred and harder to comprehend than before you walked into the fire.. And most of the time you forget that you were promised that you'd be put into the fire and you think - what in the world is He doing to me - why do I have to deal with this now - and why do these issues keep coming up - it's helpful to be reminded whether by a friend or a song that you are in the fire of purification.. sometimes it's a long process and sometimes it's not..

I find it harder to accept encouragement especially when i really need it. It's not like i don't know that i need it - i think i've just become so unaccostomed to receiving it - i'm not sure how to respond to it when i get it.. then when i get it i dont take it to heart..

Although i love this song - and i do believe and identify with the lyrics - sometimes it's hard to believe that God will take my pain and turn it to beauty - and along with that comes the question - when? When God will this painful action or emotional battle be over and when will you make it for my good and your glory?

In 2 Timothy - Paul says that he entrusted God with everything - and he encourages Timothy to do that as well - i've come to the inclusion that believing God and entrusting things (hopes, dreams, pains) is a process - it doesn't just happen and requirement of being able to do that is to know who it is that you believe.. Not just trusting Him for salvation but for all things.. again ouch.. but so clearly necessary.

Thoughts and Tendencies

Thoughts and Tendencies

First Posting

Yeah so okay - my first posting on blogger.com... I am currently at work and am reviewing a new product checking for errors - broken links all that fun stuff.. it's actually quite interesting stuff! I learned things today that i probably should have learned in middle school - but didn't.. and apparently have had a need to learn since so.... whoever said that some subjects required in school were unusable or un-needed in real life may have been right..