Whoa!! two in one day - unbelievable.
As i read through a few peoples blogs; their writings both christian and secular, I experience different things. I see and feel both their pain, the ache of desire for something deeper than what they currently have, and the realness of their views and situations.
I ask myself why most people are shallow. I find some people who are truly seeking but many, many more are just 'comfortable'. I suppose my answer to the questions is because it's easier that way. Shallowness doesn't cause the deep pain that seems to remain. But it also doesn't produce the results that deep pain and pressure do. To remain shallow is to avoid, no to run from the person God is challenging and aching for us to become. He desires us to go deep to pursue hard with all that we have. He also aches to see us pursue His best, not just His basic. Will you choose to go deep, to go where the water is coolest and most refreshing, or will you continue drinking the warmed surface water that just meets your basic need?
Jan 23, 2007
AAAHHHHH!!!
Gosh, i haven't posted here in forever and a day!!! I even almost forgot about having it.
Update:: Kelly Pullen and I are now roommates, in a new apartment.. Loving it. Haven't even posted pics of Oliver and Annabelle, my two cats.
Okay well at least now i can say i've posted something in the new year... sorry if there's not another for a long time... I'm better reached on myspace.
Update:: Kelly Pullen and I are now roommates, in a new apartment.. Loving it. Haven't even posted pics of Oliver and Annabelle, my two cats.
Okay well at least now i can say i've posted something in the new year... sorry if there's not another for a long time... I'm better reached on myspace.
Jun 26, 2006
Newest Addition
Hey All!!
Well i am still alive... I do exist, although you've not heard from me in quite some time..
I just wanted to announce the newest additon to our family..
Little Clarence James arrived yesterday!!!
Well i am still alive... I do exist, although you've not heard from me in quite some time..
I just wanted to announce the newest additon to our family..
Little Clarence James arrived yesterday!!!
Soon enough i'll post his story and give some updates on life with CJ!!
Have a great day!!
Mar 2, 2006
Todd Agnew - My Jesus From the album Reflection Of Something
I heard this song on my way downtown this morning and although it has a very raw feel and sound to it, It really caught my attention and as I listened into a song I had never heard I began to feel and see what artist Todd Agnew meant...
So the question that remains posed in my head is this; Which one do I want to be? and my painful cry is Oh, God don't let me be comfortable in this world, instead allow my life to be a reflection of your love.
Read the lyrics, ponder their meaning in your life - and respond to God.
Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and died.
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit, do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins.
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
And who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
Pretty blue eyes, curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him
Cause my Jesus bled and died.
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reached for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He’d prefer Beal St. to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus
So the question that remains posed in my head is this; Which one do I want to be? and my painful cry is Oh, God don't let me be comfortable in this world, instead allow my life to be a reflection of your love.
Read the lyrics, ponder their meaning in your life - and respond to God.
Which Jesus do you follow?
Which Jesus do you serve?
If Ephesians says to imitate Christ,
Why do you look so much like the world?
Cause my Jesus bled and died.
He spent His time with thieves and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the arrogant
So which one do you want to be?
Blessed are the poor in spirit, do we pray to be blessed with the wealth of this land
Blessed are they that hunger and thirst for righteousness
Do we ache for another taste of this world of shifting sand
Cause my Jesus bled and died for my sins.
He spent His time with thieves and sluts and liars
He loved the poor and accosted the rich
So which one do you want to be?
And who is this that you follow
This picture of the American dream
If Jesus was here would you walk right by on the other side
Or fall down and worship at His holy feet
Pretty blue eyes, curly brown hair and a clear complexion
Is how you see Him as He dies for Your sins
But the Word says He was battered and scarred
Or did you miss that part?
Sometimes I doubt we’d recognize Him
Cause my Jesus bled and died.
He spent His time with thieves and the least of these
He loved the poor and accosted the comfortable
So which one do you want to be?
Cause my Jesus would never be accepted in my church
The blood and dirt on His feet might stain the carpet
But He reached for the hurting and despises the proud
I think He’d prefer Beal St. to the stained glass crowd
But I know that He can hear me if I cry out loud
I want to be like my Jesus
Feb 21, 2006
.........
I have most recently been engulfed in my thoughts and my search for what is right. One song that seemed to most speak is one I don't even right off know the artist or the title to but a couple of lines go like this.
"I'm so thirsty I can feel it, burning through the furthest corners of my soul. Deep desires can't describe this; name this urge that drives me somewhere, through I don't know where to go... Somehow my life depends on the river."
While I know that God is the river of life I cannot currently describe myself as being on the rivers edge. I think most accurately I can describe God as being an Oasis in a dry desert. I can look back over the last year and see myself as a woman who sits just out of sight of the oasis and I wonder to myself - I am so thirsty for you oh God - why will you not answer my calls, fulfill my desires and longings? How long Lord will you tary - how long will I be in the waiting?Because really, waiting is the hardest part - isn't it?In reality God is never far away and all it took is for me to rise up and go to the oasis - which is only as far as I walked away from it. So here am I. Finding myself resting nearere to the waters edge - He is not a mirage, He is fulfilling and He invites us to drink and drink deeply - so drink I must.
"I'm so thirsty I can feel it, burning through the furthest corners of my soul. Deep desires can't describe this; name this urge that drives me somewhere, through I don't know where to go... Somehow my life depends on the river."
While I know that God is the river of life I cannot currently describe myself as being on the rivers edge. I think most accurately I can describe God as being an Oasis in a dry desert. I can look back over the last year and see myself as a woman who sits just out of sight of the oasis and I wonder to myself - I am so thirsty for you oh God - why will you not answer my calls, fulfill my desires and longings? How long Lord will you tary - how long will I be in the waiting?Because really, waiting is the hardest part - isn't it?In reality God is never far away and all it took is for me to rise up and go to the oasis - which is only as far as I walked away from it. So here am I. Finding myself resting nearere to the waters edge - He is not a mirage, He is fulfilling and He invites us to drink and drink deeply - so drink I must.
Updates and answers
A while back I posted a couple of questions. Finally after some research, soul searching and trying to figure out what the correct question is, I have come to this place.
my first question was this:
1. What are your thoughts on Prevenient Grace? - It's definition and importance in our lives.
Prevenient Grace is simply the Grace that goes before us. It is absolutely needed and absolutely real - While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
the second question was this:
2. How would you define this idea on Progressive Culture.. and how do we fit in to that and apply it... and do we even want to be a part of that - do we have a choice...?
Progressive Culture can be considered as synonomous with the emerging culture. Our culture naturally progresses - things change with time - what was important in the 50's and 60's are not as important in today's culture. Sure, there are many things that are still important - many of the same topics still apply but most have different meanings and levels of meaning. Things like war, politics, and religion - same topics - different details. This idea of progressive culture is nothing new - as we all know "there is nothing new under the sun" rather it has been presented differently - given a different spin - given more attention.
Most of our older relatives - parents, grandparents and such just accepted life - our generations have come to see that they can change life - they can have an impact for better and for worse. Most aren't willing to sit back and allow life to just 'happen' they embrace it and live like there is no tomorrow.
This idea of aligning yourself with this emerging church/culture is about being both rational and relational - being both linear and non-linear.. It's a worldview change. The better way to explain would be to quote directly from http://www.emergingchurch.org/.
"the emerging church of the 21st century may have more in common with the church of the apostolic era, than with the church of the 20th century.
as leonard sweet writes, "our faith is ancient. our faith is future. we're old-fashioned. we're new-fangled. we're orthodox. we're innovators. we're postmodern christians."
the emergence of the postmodern era (1960 onward) is only now beginning to impact the world and the church in a profound way. most folk know about luther, calvin and the reformation. some have likened what is taking place in the church today to a "second reformation."
the traditions of the church are treasure... we are not starting from scratch... we can build upon the learnings of the first reformation as we surf the wild wave into the second.
today's mission context provides the church with a chance to:
1. shake off any residual "leave it to beaver" orientation and begin swimming (even with a paddleboard) within the postmodern culture.
2. really trust the power of the gospel and learn to communicate it with authenticity, because for postmodern people, authenticity is primary.
the church should not fear postmodernity, as it provides us with a new context, and thus a fresh opportunity to get real, to drink deep from our own wells, and go back to our own future... "
People are searching for authenticity, for a grouping of people that are real. Now this is a statement that I know both from seeing the people who are searching, but also seeing that person within myself. I require a connection with a God who is real and who is relevant to me. It is that kind of a relationship I seek to find.
While in some instances I can see the need for a 'reformation' at the same time I don't. It would seem that this emerging church takes it's focus off of Jesus and places it 'on our own futures'.
The main thing that I see this doing is replacing the freedom that Christ brought to us with His death with that same spirit of religion His Spirit is breaking off of people and churches across the nation. This spirit of religion is the one who brings fear of man - steals the boldness to speak the truth from the pulpit and replaces it with a 'feel good' theology. The truth is the Gospel will step on your toes, it will hurt your feelings but it is Christ and Christ alone who can heal those hurts and give you what you seek. He is the cornerstone of our lives. He is the very foundation of each person. When we look to him and allow Him to really rule our lives, our personal relevance doesn't matter in the least. My being relevant and applicable to the rest of the human race is impossible - it is Him that makes me relevant. It doesn't matter what I look like, what music I listen to - when I surrender myself to His calling - He brings the change and the people He desires me to speak and minister to. It is there that we find true authenticity and real-ness. And in that moment we find our peace and are satisfied.
Is the progressive culture something you want to be involved in - that's for you to decide - the only thing I desire is Christ and I don't need Him prettily packaged to make Him relevant.
my first question was this:
1. What are your thoughts on Prevenient Grace? - It's definition and importance in our lives.
Prevenient Grace is simply the Grace that goes before us. It is absolutely needed and absolutely real - While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
the second question was this:
2. How would you define this idea on Progressive Culture.. and how do we fit in to that and apply it... and do we even want to be a part of that - do we have a choice...?
Progressive Culture can be considered as synonomous with the emerging culture. Our culture naturally progresses - things change with time - what was important in the 50's and 60's are not as important in today's culture. Sure, there are many things that are still important - many of the same topics still apply but most have different meanings and levels of meaning. Things like war, politics, and religion - same topics - different details. This idea of progressive culture is nothing new - as we all know "there is nothing new under the sun" rather it has been presented differently - given a different spin - given more attention.
Most of our older relatives - parents, grandparents and such just accepted life - our generations have come to see that they can change life - they can have an impact for better and for worse. Most aren't willing to sit back and allow life to just 'happen' they embrace it and live like there is no tomorrow.
This idea of aligning yourself with this emerging church/culture is about being both rational and relational - being both linear and non-linear.. It's a worldview change. The better way to explain would be to quote directly from http://www.emergingchurch.org/.
"the emerging church of the 21st century may have more in common with the church of the apostolic era, than with the church of the 20th century.
as leonard sweet writes, "our faith is ancient. our faith is future. we're old-fashioned. we're new-fangled. we're orthodox. we're innovators. we're postmodern christians."
the emergence of the postmodern era (1960 onward) is only now beginning to impact the world and the church in a profound way. most folk know about luther, calvin and the reformation. some have likened what is taking place in the church today to a "second reformation."
the traditions of the church are treasure... we are not starting from scratch... we can build upon the learnings of the first reformation as we surf the wild wave into the second.
today's mission context provides the church with a chance to:
1. shake off any residual "leave it to beaver" orientation and begin swimming (even with a paddleboard) within the postmodern culture.
2. really trust the power of the gospel and learn to communicate it with authenticity, because for postmodern people, authenticity is primary.
the church should not fear postmodernity, as it provides us with a new context, and thus a fresh opportunity to get real, to drink deep from our own wells, and go back to our own future... "
People are searching for authenticity, for a grouping of people that are real. Now this is a statement that I know both from seeing the people who are searching, but also seeing that person within myself. I require a connection with a God who is real and who is relevant to me. It is that kind of a relationship I seek to find.
While in some instances I can see the need for a 'reformation' at the same time I don't. It would seem that this emerging church takes it's focus off of Jesus and places it 'on our own futures'.
The main thing that I see this doing is replacing the freedom that Christ brought to us with His death with that same spirit of religion His Spirit is breaking off of people and churches across the nation. This spirit of religion is the one who brings fear of man - steals the boldness to speak the truth from the pulpit and replaces it with a 'feel good' theology. The truth is the Gospel will step on your toes, it will hurt your feelings but it is Christ and Christ alone who can heal those hurts and give you what you seek. He is the cornerstone of our lives. He is the very foundation of each person. When we look to him and allow Him to really rule our lives, our personal relevance doesn't matter in the least. My being relevant and applicable to the rest of the human race is impossible - it is Him that makes me relevant. It doesn't matter what I look like, what music I listen to - when I surrender myself to His calling - He brings the change and the people He desires me to speak and minister to. It is there that we find true authenticity and real-ness. And in that moment we find our peace and are satisfied.
Is the progressive culture something you want to be involved in - that's for you to decide - the only thing I desire is Christ and I don't need Him prettily packaged to make Him relevant.
Feb 10, 2006
Bumper Sticker
A bumper sticker I saw today on the way to work:
Follow those who seek God,
Run from those who find Him.
I saw this and you know how sometimes you see/read something that puts you on auto-defense.. That was me this morning.
But then I began to think, can that be right? and I thought no because the word says - If we seek Him with all our heart we will find Him: Jeremiah 29:12.
The whole point is to seek Him and find Him. But could what that persons sticker be referring to are the people who stop seeking when they find Him - is that the danger they see? Because truly that is when our faith walk becomes dangerous is when we stop walking because we think we've accomplished the goal.
Interestingly, Paul never says find Him and you're done.. He says press on towards the mark - it's a perpetual walk one that won't end till Christ returns and we are caught up with Him, till we are perfected with Christ.
But in the meanwhile what are our attitudes and actions showing people like my friend the Volvo driver? What does your life show? That you are seeking to find Him; or that you have sought and think you found and are content to remain there?
There's no status quo (to keep things the way they presently are) in our spiritual lives. If we are not seeking then we are falling behind. Just like a plant that is ever growing though you may not see the daily changes, when it fails to grow it begins to die.. also slowly - it can be revitalized and brought back to health but it is an ever present choice that the Maker made and the Child embraces.
Follow those who seek God,
Run from those who find Him.
I saw this and you know how sometimes you see/read something that puts you on auto-defense.. That was me this morning.
But then I began to think, can that be right? and I thought no because the word says - If we seek Him with all our heart we will find Him: Jeremiah 29:12.
The whole point is to seek Him and find Him. But could what that persons sticker be referring to are the people who stop seeking when they find Him - is that the danger they see? Because truly that is when our faith walk becomes dangerous is when we stop walking because we think we've accomplished the goal.
Interestingly, Paul never says find Him and you're done.. He says press on towards the mark - it's a perpetual walk one that won't end till Christ returns and we are caught up with Him, till we are perfected with Christ.
But in the meanwhile what are our attitudes and actions showing people like my friend the Volvo driver? What does your life show? That you are seeking to find Him; or that you have sought and think you found and are content to remain there?
There's no status quo (to keep things the way they presently are) in our spiritual lives. If we are not seeking then we are falling behind. Just like a plant that is ever growing though you may not see the daily changes, when it fails to grow it begins to die.. also slowly - it can be revitalized and brought back to health but it is an ever present choice that the Maker made and the Child embraces.
Jan 30, 2006
Jan 27, 2006
Guilty Pleasures
As my dear friend Miss A to the T has tagged I shall *finally* concede and post my 5 guilty pleasures...
1. CSI - do I really care which one, NO I love them all!!!
2. Shopping - at one point in time about 5 years ago, I realized I had a problem.. No seriously! so over time I actually have reconsidered my stance on shopping - not that I could ever actually give it up - but I really have become a little more considerate of this guilty pleasure.
3. Photography - ever had one of those hobbies or outlets that you aboslutely loved but rarely if ever found the time or made the time to go and do. Photography allows me to see through a lens of simplicity, beauty, and creativity all things which lead to and are from our Maker.
4. Music - would not want to live without it.
5. Internet - what else would I do when i'm bored at work!
So, there it is folks! All for your viewing pleasure of course!
1. CSI - do I really care which one, NO I love them all!!!
2. Shopping - at one point in time about 5 years ago, I realized I had a problem.. No seriously! so over time I actually have reconsidered my stance on shopping - not that I could ever actually give it up - but I really have become a little more considerate of this guilty pleasure.
3. Photography - ever had one of those hobbies or outlets that you aboslutely loved but rarely if ever found the time or made the time to go and do. Photography allows me to see through a lens of simplicity, beauty, and creativity all things which lead to and are from our Maker.
4. Music - would not want to live without it.
5. Internet - what else would I do when i'm bored at work!
So, there it is folks! All for your viewing pleasure of course!
Jan 12, 2006
Question...
Okay Okay Amanda!!! I'm posting something.. although you haven't actually update yours in awhile either!!
So two questions that are swirling around in my head are these:
1. What are your thoughts on Prevenient Grace? - It's definition and importance in our lives.
2. How would you define this idea on Progressive Culture.. and how do we fit in to that and apply it... and do we even want to be a part of that - do we have a choice...?
So let me hear your thoughts.. and eventually i'll post mine along with a 'whats up' posting!
So two questions that are swirling around in my head are these:
1. What are your thoughts on Prevenient Grace? - It's definition and importance in our lives.
2. How would you define this idea on Progressive Culture.. and how do we fit in to that and apply it... and do we even want to be a part of that - do we have a choice...?
So let me hear your thoughts.. and eventually i'll post mine along with a 'whats up' posting!
Dec 2, 2005
Moving
Moving Sucks!!
Really it's all of the physical and mental exhaustion that sucks.. moving can be quite fun.. and entertaining..
So we got everything in the new place.. now it's just figuring out how to merge our two 'stuffs' into one place.. This will be quite entertaining as i go home tonight to work on it some more.. YAY!!
So it's also been weird having someone to go home to, and someone sleeping across the 'hall' and when you wake up and end up talking for an hour while the other eats breakfast and gets ready for work is actually lots of fun so far.. I think i'm gonna like this.
So after you read this you should give me a call cause i can take your call now.. and you should stop by the new pimp pad.. LOL Yes, i did just say that..
Peace Out Yo'!
Really it's all of the physical and mental exhaustion that sucks.. moving can be quite fun.. and entertaining..
So we got everything in the new place.. now it's just figuring out how to merge our two 'stuffs' into one place.. This will be quite entertaining as i go home tonight to work on it some more.. YAY!!
So it's also been weird having someone to go home to, and someone sleeping across the 'hall' and when you wake up and end up talking for an hour while the other eats breakfast and gets ready for work is actually lots of fun so far.. I think i'm gonna like this.
So after you read this you should give me a call cause i can take your call now.. and you should stop by the new pimp pad.. LOL Yes, i did just say that..
Peace Out Yo'!
Nov 20, 2005
Turkey day, and life in general
Well, my dad, his wife Catherine and her daughter Frances are all coming to my house for Thanksgiving! So we will be making and devouring the big meal here in my little abode - should be interesting.. I am already fighting my territorial and 'bossy' alter-ego.. mainly over sleeping accomodations and the cooking and all of that ridiculous stuff..
Don't get me wrong I am glad they are coming I haven't seen my dad since August and for us that's a good bit of time.. We have always been close - and even after i moved I generally went back to visit like every couple of months.. This last 6 months have been so busy that all i've done is run around and do my stuff - i'm sure both of my parents have felt the distance as when i first moved here Dad and I talked at least weekly.. now we do good to talk on the phone every three to four weeks.. big difference.. and my mom and I now have maybe one good forever long conversation a month. That's a bit different too.. Seems they have both voiced the distance and my busyness and lack in calling and chatting.. I do miss it but i feel like the infant who refuses to sleep because they are afraid they'll miss something.. everytime one of my parents call me it interrupts the fun i'm having and then i forget to call them.. or when i do we just don't really talk.
So Frances first mentioned coming here for T-day and i was both glad and unsure.. i'm moving three days later (still haven't started packing) and then will have a roommate.. and i already had plans for the big day.. so this is both the best and the worst time for them to come.. best because i'll have off for four days and can spend it with them and it's just me - no roommate to make feel uncomfortable or weird.. and worst because i needed that time off to start packing and the space they will be sleeping in would be my storage for boxes and because now instead of going through with my other plans we made different plans.. AAAHHH!
oh and back to my original point.. Frances mentioned it - i said yeah sure.. then they decided not to come because Catherine wanted to go to visit her brother and grand kids (where they will also be for x-mas) so i kinda felt sad and slighted.. that her plans and wants would automatically override all else.. then i got an email from dad yesterday saying they were coming afterall..
so that's that..
All else is well for now.. had fun spending time with Kelly P most of yesterday.. and last evening with Palm Tree... :) - thought you might like that..
K gotta go get ready for StillPoint tonight!!
Ciao!
Don't get me wrong I am glad they are coming I haven't seen my dad since August and for us that's a good bit of time.. We have always been close - and even after i moved I generally went back to visit like every couple of months.. This last 6 months have been so busy that all i've done is run around and do my stuff - i'm sure both of my parents have felt the distance as when i first moved here Dad and I talked at least weekly.. now we do good to talk on the phone every three to four weeks.. big difference.. and my mom and I now have maybe one good forever long conversation a month. That's a bit different too.. Seems they have both voiced the distance and my busyness and lack in calling and chatting.. I do miss it but i feel like the infant who refuses to sleep because they are afraid they'll miss something.. everytime one of my parents call me it interrupts the fun i'm having and then i forget to call them.. or when i do we just don't really talk.
So Frances first mentioned coming here for T-day and i was both glad and unsure.. i'm moving three days later (still haven't started packing) and then will have a roommate.. and i already had plans for the big day.. so this is both the best and the worst time for them to come.. best because i'll have off for four days and can spend it with them and it's just me - no roommate to make feel uncomfortable or weird.. and worst because i needed that time off to start packing and the space they will be sleeping in would be my storage for boxes and because now instead of going through with my other plans we made different plans.. AAAHHH!
oh and back to my original point.. Frances mentioned it - i said yeah sure.. then they decided not to come because Catherine wanted to go to visit her brother and grand kids (where they will also be for x-mas) so i kinda felt sad and slighted.. that her plans and wants would automatically override all else.. then i got an email from dad yesterday saying they were coming afterall..
so that's that..
All else is well for now.. had fun spending time with Kelly P most of yesterday.. and last evening with Palm Tree... :) - thought you might like that..
K gotta go get ready for StillPoint tonight!!
Ciao!
Nov 9, 2005
Updates...
Well HI!!
I know, i know.. its been more than a month since i last updated - and even that wasn't an update.. i'm sorry okay!!
So what's up with Ashley you might be wondering... alot actually!!
1. I got a new job! I'm still standing here in awe of God and the ways that He works and being reminded that my timing isn't in correlation with His timing... i know bummer - why is it i have to learn this so often - and am i really learning this lesson or just temporarily accepting it until i have my next temper tantrum?
2. I'm getting a room-mate! I know craziness abounds! Kelly and I are joining forces and moving in together.. we move Nov.28-30th so shoot me a mail if you want to help!
Anyway, this will be a very very big adjustment for me because I don't do roommates.. reasoning.. my one and only semester of college - i had a room mate and she was crazy!! well she was actually from New York and so she was probably somewhat normal to them but for me - uh.. it didn't work too well - i'm sure that my inability to deal properly with conflict didn't help either.. i tend to avoid conflict at all costs.. i've gotten better - but i seriously used to run!!
I think another issue is that i was raised with three brothers - so all of that life ruining drama really never went on in our house.. and even now - it can get on my nerves.. my old roomie was all drama.. issue obviously..
So as kelly is not a drama queen - i think it will work! Will we get on each others nerves? oh yes, we've already experienced that.. but we both still think it will work! plus it'll be fun!!
2.1 I took a trip to Lousiana to work with a children's home that our StillPoint community has "adopted" very amazing trip - you should ask me about it some time..
2.2 The young'n (Gerrod - 13 yr old bro) got his first deer... 15 pointer just before Halloween - you should check out the picks on my flickr site..
3. I want a dog! Yes, i know that i have been wanting one for the last 5 years.. - but you see.. i really want one.. again.
so i have been looking around - getting some details and specifics.. so we'll see.. i think i'll name her Macy...
4. I really don't know of much else going on in the world of ashley but if i think of something i'll try to make the time to update the blog..
okay so that leads up to the web link additions.. - Margaret Feinberg - she is listed on Amanda's website - so i started reading some of her things.. and you know - i really like what she has to say and the angle that she is coming from i really identify with.. so check her out - and the second would be Winn Collier - he is listed on Margaret's website and after reading a bit about him - i decided i like what he had to say also..
Both of these authors/pastor/speakers/thought provokers make me want to just take time to consider and weigh what they are saying and really think about what all is going on, what my thoughts are on it and really process those thoughts... time however generally deters me from thinking too much.. I feel in a sense very shallow in my thoughts in regards to alot of things simply because i don't take or make the time to really gather info, and process and form my own thoughts and beliefs on different topics... kelly often asks me - what are you thinking about.. unfortunately - my answer is very shallow or impossibly ridiculous.. I always try to be honest with my thoughts... which also leads me to realizing how little time i actually spend thinking about big things..
oh and for some reason two people just came to mind - i have two friends who moved here - one from miami - and the other from abilene... they both within 3 months have crossed paths with very possibly "the one" and are moving towards pursuing marriage.. what's up with that!!! I mean i'm very glad for them and all - and it's been fun seeing it all happen for them.. but come on - what about the rest of us.... :)
Okay so i've rambled far too long...
so this is Ashley signing off!
I know, i know.. its been more than a month since i last updated - and even that wasn't an update.. i'm sorry okay!!
So what's up with Ashley you might be wondering... alot actually!!
1. I got a new job! I'm still standing here in awe of God and the ways that He works and being reminded that my timing isn't in correlation with His timing... i know bummer - why is it i have to learn this so often - and am i really learning this lesson or just temporarily accepting it until i have my next temper tantrum?
2. I'm getting a room-mate! I know craziness abounds! Kelly and I are joining forces and moving in together.. we move Nov.28-30th so shoot me a mail if you want to help!
Anyway, this will be a very very big adjustment for me because I don't do roommates.. reasoning.. my one and only semester of college - i had a room mate and she was crazy!! well she was actually from New York and so she was probably somewhat normal to them but for me - uh.. it didn't work too well - i'm sure that my inability to deal properly with conflict didn't help either.. i tend to avoid conflict at all costs.. i've gotten better - but i seriously used to run!!
I think another issue is that i was raised with three brothers - so all of that life ruining drama really never went on in our house.. and even now - it can get on my nerves.. my old roomie was all drama.. issue obviously..
So as kelly is not a drama queen - i think it will work! Will we get on each others nerves? oh yes, we've already experienced that.. but we both still think it will work! plus it'll be fun!!
2.1 I took a trip to Lousiana to work with a children's home that our StillPoint community has "adopted" very amazing trip - you should ask me about it some time..
2.2 The young'n (Gerrod - 13 yr old bro) got his first deer... 15 pointer just before Halloween - you should check out the picks on my flickr site..
3. I want a dog! Yes, i know that i have been wanting one for the last 5 years.. - but you see.. i really want one.. again.
so i have been looking around - getting some details and specifics.. so we'll see.. i think i'll name her Macy...
4. I really don't know of much else going on in the world of ashley but if i think of something i'll try to make the time to update the blog..
okay so that leads up to the web link additions.. - Margaret Feinberg - she is listed on Amanda's website - so i started reading some of her things.. and you know - i really like what she has to say and the angle that she is coming from i really identify with.. so check her out - and the second would be Winn Collier - he is listed on Margaret's website and after reading a bit about him - i decided i like what he had to say also..
Both of these authors/pastor/speakers/thought provokers make me want to just take time to consider and weigh what they are saying and really think about what all is going on, what my thoughts are on it and really process those thoughts... time however generally deters me from thinking too much.. I feel in a sense very shallow in my thoughts in regards to alot of things simply because i don't take or make the time to really gather info, and process and form my own thoughts and beliefs on different topics... kelly often asks me - what are you thinking about.. unfortunately - my answer is very shallow or impossibly ridiculous.. I always try to be honest with my thoughts... which also leads me to realizing how little time i actually spend thinking about big things..
oh and for some reason two people just came to mind - i have two friends who moved here - one from miami - and the other from abilene... they both within 3 months have crossed paths with very possibly "the one" and are moving towards pursuing marriage.. what's up with that!!! I mean i'm very glad for them and all - and it's been fun seeing it all happen for them.. but come on - what about the rest of us.... :)
Okay so i've rambled far too long...
so this is Ashley signing off!
Oct 10, 2005
guess it wasn't meant to be..
Well after spending about 30 minutes typing out what's new with me.. as I was in the process of publishing my great works - i suppose it was too big or the network signal was too low - but now it's forever lost!!! so one day i'll spend the time and write it out again.. so i guess you'll have to hang on my every word...............................
:)Ashley
:)Ashley
Sep 14, 2005
quandry..
Kelly had me thinking earlier - as i read her blog i started to respond; however, this became more about me than her so i aborted mission on her blog and added it as mine.. She said earlier that this time is a season. I don't know why we walk through these seasons - i do know that if i had to stay in the same season all of my life it would really really suck! Yet at the same time when the future could be looked at with hopes and dreams but at the point in time that you're in all you see is a brick wall - what do you do? How do you respond? God is graceful and grace-filled towards His children and though i can see His grace being extended towards me why is it that I find it hard to accept His grace and his leading back into the right path and what exactly is that path... Where am I going - am i merely staying in a place where my wheels turn without taking me anywhere? or are my wheels even turning - is the car even on - do I even really care...
I'll write more later.. just had to get this in there..
I'll write more later.. just had to get this in there..
strange dream...
So the night before last I had this dream.. Now keep in mind - i dream pretty much every night - most of the time though i don't remember the dream but this one i remembered and had this strange feeling about as well..
so I don't know how it started out - like what the set up or surroundings of the dream were the first part i remember is either asking or being asked to get married by this guys - now strange thing is that i know this guy but i dont like this guy like that.. I wouldn't consider marrying him because we are pretty different.. so any way we came to an agreement to get married.. we began the process of getting everything lined up and arranged for the big day and a few days before i asked him whether he actually wanted to marry me - and he said um, yeah sure.. and i was frustrated because i had just come to the conclusion that i didn't love him and i didn't want to marry him and i didn't know why we were even getting married in the first place.. So i said no really do you want to marry me - and he was so passive (big pet peave of mine) and said sure i guess... So then like flash forward to the day of - and his parents were there and they were getting things ready for the reception and all of that.. and i got to the church (i'm guessing this was a church all i remember was the big white building) and it was like an hour before the ceremony was to start and i didn't have my hair done and for some reason i was fixing it myself.. and i couldn't find my hot rollers and i was asking my mom where they were because they weren't where they should have been and she was in a hurry and rushing me to get ready.. so my hair was a mess and i had just barely gotten my gown on and my mom was pulling me to get in line to go down the aisle.. I hate being rushed.. especially by my mom because she's done it all my life.. for some that would teach them to just be ready for me no.. I'll be ready when i'm ready.. and i kept thinking hey wait this is my day and i shouldn't have to rush the guests will still be here in 10 minutes.. and since when is a bride late.. the guests are all just early.. and then the dream ended..
So funny thing is - is that i've had this dream twice before.. no guy in the picture but the other two times i hated the dress i was in.. it was the wrong dress - i don't even remember the dress in this one.. now the dreams have all been spaced apart like a year or so.. but why am i having basically the same dream? and each time i end up settling for someone i don't love and can't see why i would want to marry them.. Great guys but not so much husbands - for me anyway....
Just interesting the dreams we have and how it makes us ponder other things in our lives - as though God is using this dream to show me in the past that i could have settled - but i don't want to settle for anything less than His best.. and i know that i have settled so many times and screwed things up before but how do you break that cycle?? And is my mind and heart so wrapped up in wanting marriage that i am missing out on other things He is trying to show me..
so I don't know how it started out - like what the set up or surroundings of the dream were the first part i remember is either asking or being asked to get married by this guys - now strange thing is that i know this guy but i dont like this guy like that.. I wouldn't consider marrying him because we are pretty different.. so any way we came to an agreement to get married.. we began the process of getting everything lined up and arranged for the big day and a few days before i asked him whether he actually wanted to marry me - and he said um, yeah sure.. and i was frustrated because i had just come to the conclusion that i didn't love him and i didn't want to marry him and i didn't know why we were even getting married in the first place.. So i said no really do you want to marry me - and he was so passive (big pet peave of mine) and said sure i guess... So then like flash forward to the day of - and his parents were there and they were getting things ready for the reception and all of that.. and i got to the church (i'm guessing this was a church all i remember was the big white building) and it was like an hour before the ceremony was to start and i didn't have my hair done and for some reason i was fixing it myself.. and i couldn't find my hot rollers and i was asking my mom where they were because they weren't where they should have been and she was in a hurry and rushing me to get ready.. so my hair was a mess and i had just barely gotten my gown on and my mom was pulling me to get in line to go down the aisle.. I hate being rushed.. especially by my mom because she's done it all my life.. for some that would teach them to just be ready for me no.. I'll be ready when i'm ready.. and i kept thinking hey wait this is my day and i shouldn't have to rush the guests will still be here in 10 minutes.. and since when is a bride late.. the guests are all just early.. and then the dream ended..
So funny thing is - is that i've had this dream twice before.. no guy in the picture but the other two times i hated the dress i was in.. it was the wrong dress - i don't even remember the dress in this one.. now the dreams have all been spaced apart like a year or so.. but why am i having basically the same dream? and each time i end up settling for someone i don't love and can't see why i would want to marry them.. Great guys but not so much husbands - for me anyway....
Just interesting the dreams we have and how it makes us ponder other things in our lives - as though God is using this dream to show me in the past that i could have settled - but i don't want to settle for anything less than His best.. and i know that i have settled so many times and screwed things up before but how do you break that cycle?? And is my mind and heart so wrapped up in wanting marriage that i am missing out on other things He is trying to show me..
Sep 6, 2005
New Song - Suddenly by Superchick
Song lyrics
She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired for trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be
Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
Chorus
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.
Chorus
She feels lost in her life
Treading water just to keep from slipping under
And she wonders if she's where she's supposed to be
Tired for trying to do it right
Her dreams are just to far away to see how steps she's making
Might be taking her to who she'll be
Chorus:
And suddenly it isn't what it used to be
And after all this time it worked out just fine
And suddenly I am where I'm supposed to be
And after all the tears I was supposed to be here
She feels locked in her own life
Scared of what she might lose if she moves away from who she was
And she's afraid of being free
There's a way she knows is right
She can't feel the things she knows
And so each step she's taking is a step of faith toward who she'll be
Chorus
And here where the night is darkest black
She feels the fear and the light is farthest back
And through her tears she can't see the dawn is coming
Skies will clear and the light will find her where she's always been.
Chorus
Aug 26, 2005
Courage by Superchick and Response by Ashley
"Courage" By Superchick
I told another lie today, and i got through this day, no one saw through my games.
I know the right words to say, like "i don't feel well" "I ate before I came
Then someone tells me how good I look and for a moment, for a moment i am happy
but when i'm alone no one hears me cry
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
I don't know the first time i felt un-beautiful the day i chose not to eat
what i do know is how i changed my life forever, i know i should know better
there are days when i'm okay and for a moment, for a moment i find hope
there are day when i'm not okay and i need your help
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
You should know you're not on your own these secrets are walls that keep us alone
i don't know when but i know now togther we'll make it through somehow.
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
Response: Although I don't have this particular problem - this song still affects me on some deep level i haven't come to understand yet. Superchick's latest CD has some very deep emotional dealings - as they have all walked through a tough time this last year.. Before this CD I hadn't bought any of their stuff - not sure that I will buy anything previous to this one but i'm glad that i got this album as I can identify with a good majority of it. There will be more lyrics from this album coming! I know you can just hardly wait!!
I told another lie today, and i got through this day, no one saw through my games.
I know the right words to say, like "i don't feel well" "I ate before I came
Then someone tells me how good I look and for a moment, for a moment i am happy
but when i'm alone no one hears me cry
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
I don't know the first time i felt un-beautiful the day i chose not to eat
what i do know is how i changed my life forever, i know i should know better
there are days when i'm okay and for a moment, for a moment i find hope
there are day when i'm not okay and i need your help
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
You should know you're not on your own these secrets are walls that keep us alone
i don't know when but i know now togther we'll make it through somehow.
I need you to know I'm not through the night
some days i'm still fighting to walk towards the light
i need you to know i will be okay together we can make it through another day.
Response: Although I don't have this particular problem - this song still affects me on some deep level i haven't come to understand yet. Superchick's latest CD has some very deep emotional dealings - as they have all walked through a tough time this last year.. Before this CD I hadn't bought any of their stuff - not sure that I will buy anything previous to this one but i'm glad that i got this album as I can identify with a good majority of it. There will be more lyrics from this album coming! I know you can just hardly wait!!
Beauty from Pain by Superchick plus comments from Ashley
The lights go out all around me, one last candle to keep out the night.
And then the darkness surrounds me, i know i'm alive but i feel like i've died.
And all that's left is to accept that it's over - my dreams ran like sand through the fists that i've made.
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder i feel like i'm slipping away.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
My whole world is the pain inside me. the best i can do is just get through the day.
when life before is only a memory, i wonder why god lets me walk through this place
and though i can't understand why this happened, i know that i will when i look back some day
and see how you've brought beauty from ashes, and made me as gold purified through these flames.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
Here i am at the end of me. trying to hold to what i can't see - i forgot how to hope this nights been so long, i cling to your promis there will be a dawn.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
I think that we can all identify with the emotions and feeling expressed through this song. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that there will be a dawn - and that this moment will pass - and one day God will bring beauty from our pain.. In the midst of the fire it's hard to remember that you are just passing through that you will not remain in the fire forever - he is faithful to bring us through the fire - and that the fire isnt always becuase of our disobedience - it's so that we can be purified and more useful for His kingdom. That's what it's all about anyway right. Why is it that in the midst of the fire it seems that goal and purpose can be more blurred and harder to comprehend than before you walked into the fire.. And most of the time you forget that you were promised that you'd be put into the fire and you think - what in the world is He doing to me - why do I have to deal with this now - and why do these issues keep coming up - it's helpful to be reminded whether by a friend or a song that you are in the fire of purification.. sometimes it's a long process and sometimes it's not..
I find it harder to accept encouragement especially when i really need it. It's not like i don't know that i need it - i think i've just become so unaccostomed to receiving it - i'm not sure how to respond to it when i get it.. then when i get it i dont take it to heart..
Although i love this song - and i do believe and identify with the lyrics - sometimes it's hard to believe that God will take my pain and turn it to beauty - and along with that comes the question - when? When God will this painful action or emotional battle be over and when will you make it for my good and your glory?
In 2 Timothy - Paul says that he entrusted God with everything - and he encourages Timothy to do that as well - i've come to the inclusion that believing God and entrusting things (hopes, dreams, pains) is a process - it doesn't just happen and requirement of being able to do that is to know who it is that you believe.. Not just trusting Him for salvation but for all things.. again ouch.. but so clearly necessary.
And then the darkness surrounds me, i know i'm alive but i feel like i've died.
And all that's left is to accept that it's over - my dreams ran like sand through the fists that i've made.
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder i feel like i'm slipping away.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
My whole world is the pain inside me. the best i can do is just get through the day.
when life before is only a memory, i wonder why god lets me walk through this place
and though i can't understand why this happened, i know that i will when i look back some day
and see how you've brought beauty from ashes, and made me as gold purified through these flames.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
Here i am at the end of me. trying to hold to what i can't see - i forgot how to hope this nights been so long, i cling to your promis there will be a dawn.
After all this has past, i still will remain. after i've cried my last there'll be beauty from pain
though it won't be today someday i'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain;
you will bring beauty from my pain.
I think that we can all identify with the emotions and feeling expressed through this song. Sometimes it's hard to imagine that there will be a dawn - and that this moment will pass - and one day God will bring beauty from our pain.. In the midst of the fire it's hard to remember that you are just passing through that you will not remain in the fire forever - he is faithful to bring us through the fire - and that the fire isnt always becuase of our disobedience - it's so that we can be purified and more useful for His kingdom. That's what it's all about anyway right. Why is it that in the midst of the fire it seems that goal and purpose can be more blurred and harder to comprehend than before you walked into the fire.. And most of the time you forget that you were promised that you'd be put into the fire and you think - what in the world is He doing to me - why do I have to deal with this now - and why do these issues keep coming up - it's helpful to be reminded whether by a friend or a song that you are in the fire of purification.. sometimes it's a long process and sometimes it's not..
I find it harder to accept encouragement especially when i really need it. It's not like i don't know that i need it - i think i've just become so unaccostomed to receiving it - i'm not sure how to respond to it when i get it.. then when i get it i dont take it to heart..
Although i love this song - and i do believe and identify with the lyrics - sometimes it's hard to believe that God will take my pain and turn it to beauty - and along with that comes the question - when? When God will this painful action or emotional battle be over and when will you make it for my good and your glory?
In 2 Timothy - Paul says that he entrusted God with everything - and he encourages Timothy to do that as well - i've come to the inclusion that believing God and entrusting things (hopes, dreams, pains) is a process - it doesn't just happen and requirement of being able to do that is to know who it is that you believe.. Not just trusting Him for salvation but for all things.. again ouch.. but so clearly necessary.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)